Tuesday, June 21, 2016

It Can All Change in 24 Hours

Oh how life can change in just twenty-four hours!

It was a typical Monday morning.

Early morning wake-up time.
Back home with family.
Ready for work.
Out the door.
Morning patients.
Quick lunch and coffee run.

I'm in line at Starbucks when Cody calls me.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Uh yeah sure, why?"

"Because I just got a call from a local attorney about a baby boy...."

Silent on the other end....

"And he's already here.  He's three weeks old.  They want to send us more information because the birth family has seen our profile book and want us to adopt this baby."

More silence on my end.

"So...what do you want me to tell her? Babe.  Are you there?"

"Uh yeah, I'm here.  Just give me a minute.  I'll call you back in a few."

When you start the adoption process, you know that there's really no way of knowing how God is going to write your story.  But for some silly reason I still had thoughts on the way it would most likely go.  Including knowing all the birth parent and baby info possible on the front in, being matched, waiting months for delivery...time to prepare my house and my heart.

As I drove back to work I literally started laughing.  This wasn't at all like I'd planned, but I had enough confidence to say YES to the next step.

I called Cody back to say "okay, I'm in...what's next?"

"Can we be at the attorney's office at 3:30?"

"3:30 today?"

It's 1:30...I have more patients to see.  I say yes and frantically rush to get through all I can and get out the door.

A couple of hours later, we meet with the sweet birth mother of a young boy and another dear lady who has helped care for him his first three weeks of life.

I don't remember all of the conversation from there.  I know there were questions about why we wanted to adopt, parenting techniques, our love for God.

Then the lady said something I'll never forget....

We picked you because of your faith and we loved that Cody is a pastor!

(Remember the blog a few weeks ago about how we had considered changing our book and then had a clear calling not to?  The thing we had wondered might be pushing people away from us was how open we were about our faith and that Cody was a pastor!  Thank you God for the little confirmations!)

As we wrapped up our time together, the birth mother asked me if I'd like to hold this little boy. Of course I said yes!

We left to another room with the little boy for the attorney to talk to precious birth family.

She came in to confirm that we were chosen to raise this little boy.  We cried.  We prayed over him.  Then the hard part...

"Birth mother would like one more night with this little guy.  But if you're willing...can you come back tomorrow at noon to take him home?"

We graciously said yes!  We called our family to fill them in on this sudden turn of events, and we stopped at Target to buy the essentials because we were NOT prepared for this!

Diapers, wipes, blankets, burp clothes, formula, bottles, pajamas...and we're good!

(While we were there, we messaged the attorney to see what kind of formula the little guy liked.  However, we didn't get a response so we just grabbed one of the FIFTY options and headed home.  She messaged back an hour later with a picture of the formula that had worked great so far.  Guess which one it was?  Thank you God!")

Did we sleep last night?  Some.  Mainly tossed and turned and prayed.  I told God over and over that I felt a peace about this and that if it was His plan that all doors would be wide open.  If not, that the birth mother would change her mind.  We woke up a little less crazy than when we went to bed, but overall at peace with the day. 


This was all earlier today.  It seems like a week of time has passed and it all happened in 24 hours!

We went back today at 11:30.

We left at 2:00.


We are happy to introduce you to our son JUDAH CHASE ADAM BRUMLEY.
(His name has a story in itself that we may share one day.)

We can't wait to share our joy with each of you.  At some point we will share more.  There are parts of his story that will stay with just us, so please know that there are some details that we just won't share.

But can I just say Praise God for His Answered Prayer in His Timing?!!!

Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfly and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

God has ordained sweet Judah's days.  He knew this was our son long before we did.  He establishes our steps and lines things up in His timing. 

And we are forever grateful. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

An Empty Room

There's a room in my house that I don't go in to.  A room where the door stays closed hoping that I won't be reminded as often that we are still waiting to fill it.  To try to ignore the fact that it's empty.

When we finalized our home study, we emptied out the guest room, sold the guest bed, moved the crib into it, and cleaned out the closet.  We wanted to be ready.  We had heard the stories of some who had a fast placement.  We heard the stories of being "matched" with the first situation.  I wanted this to be our story.  I wanted to be ready.  I mean after all, this was the desire of our heart and something we know makes God happy, so why shouldn't it be a quick process? 

For six months now, I've ignored that the room is even part of our house.  Because I want to ignore the fact that a part of me feels empty too.  Because it stinks to let my heart even go there.

With each "no" I hope that the process will get easier...that I'll get less attached...that it won't hurt as much.  But of course, the opposite has happened.  And my attitude has resulted in negativity in my life, and sadly in my view of God.

I know all the right phrases. 

"That wasn't our baby." 
"God's not done yet."
"God has different plans." 
"God is faithful."
"Your baby is coming."

But it doesn't heal my angered heart.  Am I allowed to say that?  That I'm angry with God?

Sometimes I hurt and sometimes I'm flat out mad.
Why does it have to take time if there are babies needing a home and we have a home with an empty room and a desire to have a baby join our family?
Why did I feel like we should present to that situation if the answer was going to be a no?
What's wrong with us that some families get picked right away and we are six months in and don't feel a single step closer?

A week ago I was preparing a Sunday School lesson for our 11th and 12th grade girls at church.  I was reading in Romans and a verse jumped out to me that I needed to be reminded of, but didn't want to be reminded of.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope.
Am I joyful?  Nope. 

Be patient in affliction.
Am I patient?  More like the opposite.

Be faithful in prayer.
Am I praying?  Only with frustrated words and an angry heart.

This....this is my answer?  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer?
That doesn't sound like what I want to do at all.  I want to pray with good intention.  And I want God to answer.  I want things to happen in my timing.
I want things to happen my way.
My will, not God's.

On Tuesday, the morning after our last no, I woke up in a bad mood.  I was talking to God on my drive to work and sharing all of my angry thoughts and the song "Thy Will" came on the radio.

I heard it with fresh ears and I didn't like what I heard because it was so close to what I was feeling and it hurt.  I didn't want to cry because I'm too angry to cry.  I say out loud that I'm okay all the time.  I tell myself and others that we are doing fine with this wait.  I want it to be true and I feel like my tears betray that desire to be okay.  I'm going to type out the lyrics below because it does a better job than I can at explaining where I'm at right now.  When the song got to the bridge with the words, "I know you see me.  I know you hear me, Lord.  Your plans are for me.  Goodness you have in store" I had to acknowledge again that God is good, that He is present and that He cares.  That He's not the distant God I've made him in my mind over the past few months.  He's not an uncaring, distant figure, hanging out somewhere in a rocking chair watching my life unfold without any input or care.

But He is present.
He sees me.
He hears me.
He has a plan for me.
And He has goodness in store.

And that I've been saying with my lips that it's about God's will, but my heart is still desiring my own will.
And just so you know, it stinks to write my feelings out like this.  To read them.  To admit to them.  But this is where I've been and I promised I'd share the process.  I hope that maybe in some way there may be someone else in a similar spot in their journey.  Where you are waiting on the Lord and it just stinks right now.  That maybe you needed to be reminded of this too.

If so, please listen to my new favorite song.

Thy Will by Hillary Scott and The Scott Family

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store
So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord